Malam Natal Terindah

Tidak seperti malam natal biasanya, kali ini aku menunggunya menyelesaikan ibadat
aku menunggu dengan sabar dan debaran di dalam dada
1 jam,
2 jam,
3 jam, telepon genggamku berbunyi

"aku ada di depan rumah kamu"
Singkat, tetapi mampu menghadirkan seulas senyum di wajahku

Aku melihatnya sedang berdiri di depan rumah
aku berdeham untuk mengalihkan perhatiannya
rasa bahagia itu telah membuncah
Dan menghadirkan rona merah muda

Aku ingin berlari menghampirinya
dan memeluknya dengan erat
namun aku tahan, aku tidak ingin terlihat bodoh

Maka aku melangkah dengan sangat tenang
senyum kuukir di wajahku
dan aku menghampirinya

Melihatnya diam membuatku ingin segera memeluknya
ku arahkan kedua tanganku ke arahnya
Namun tidak ada reaksi apapun darinya
aku pun mencuri kesempatan pertama
aku menubruknya dan memeluknya
Hanya sekejap, tapi ketika ia melepasnya ada sebagian di diriku yang tak rela

Malam itu kuhabiskan bersamanya
sayang bintang tidak muncul dan menemani kami berdua
aku tersenyum kecil
sudah bertahun-tahun aku memimpikan malam ini

Kenyataan memanggilku kembali
ya, malam semakin larut, tapi aku tidak ingin melepasnya
sebelum berpisah aku memintanya untuk memelukku lagi

Kali ini bertahan lebih lama
aku sandarkan kepalaku di dada bidangnya
aku biarkan ia merasakan debaran yang ada di dada
dan aku mendekapnya erat, tidak mau melepaskannya
kecupan kecil itu terasa di puncak kepalaku
senyuman manis tersungging
Kalau aku diizinkan, aku berharap posisi ini tidak akan pernah berubah
karena saat itu aku merasa nyaman
Dan juga utuh

Ia menyatukan kepingan hatiku yang telah lama hancur
tapi, ketika ia melepas pelukannya aku merasa kehilangan

ingin aku melangkahkan kakiku untuk masuk ke dalam rumah
tetapi sesuatu menahanku

Aku menatapnya dalam
aku ingin mendaratkan kecupan manis untuknya
aku memintanya untuk merunduk sedikit
dan saat itu lah aku berharap waktu berhenti berputar

Lirik Lagu Demi Lovato-Let It Go(Frozen, Disney's Soundtrack)

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen.
The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried.

Don't let them in, don't let them see,
be the good girl you always had to be.
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.
Well now they know.

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand and here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fuse that once controlled me, can't get to me at all.
Up in here in the cold wind air, I finally can breathe.
I know I left a life behind, but I'm too relieved to grieve.

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand, and here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

(Standing, frozen, in the life I've chosen you will find me
the past is well behind me, buried in the snow)

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand, and here I'll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway, woah

(na na, na na, na na na na) [x4]
Na, na, you said, let it go, let it go, oooo
Let it go

Caraku Mencintaimu

Aku mencintainya seperti burung yang selalu merindukan sarangnya
Aku mencintainya seperti lebah yang selalu hinggap di bunga
Aku mencintainya seperti daun yang selalu gugur tertiup angin
Aku mencntainya sesederhana aku menyayanginya


Tetapi, setiap cerita selalu memiliki akhir
Entah itu bahagia ataupun sedih
Sama seperti kisah kita
Yang sayangnya tidak berakhir manis

Mungkin salahhku
Atau salahmu?
Aku tidak peduli

Sudah 103 hari kita berpisah
Tetapi bayangmu masi terus membekas
Menyesakkan dada ini
Mengaburkan mata ini

Aku masih terus mencintaimu
Aku masih terus mengharapkamu
Aku masih terus beraharap ini mimpi buruk
Dan aku masih terus berharap kau membangunkanku

Rasanya sakit melihatmu tidak menyapaku
Rasanya sakit melihatmu tertawa tanpaku
Rasanya sakit melihatmu bersamanya
Rasanya sakit melihatmu melewatiku begitu saja

Aku terbiasa dengan kehadiranmu
Aku terbiasa untuk pulang kepadamu
Aku terbiasa untuk menghabiskan waktu denganmu
Aku terbiasa untuk mengucapkan cinta kepadamu

Ingin aku kembali
Ingin aku memelukmu lagi
Ingin aku berdiri di sampingmu lagi
Dan mengatakan pada dunia kau milikku

Semudah itukah untukmu menghapus tentangku?
Semudah itukah untukmu menghapus kenangan kita?
Semudah itukah untukmu menghapus keberadaanku?
Semudah itukah untukmu menghapus alasan kau mencintaiku?

Aku mungkin tidak sempurna
Tapi aku memiliki hati yang sempurna untuk mencintaimu
Aku mungkin tidak berharga
Tapi aku memiliki hati yang berharga untuk mencintaimu

Tapi seseorang pernah berkata
Cerita kita sudah usai
Kau sudah memulai cerita baru dengannya
Dan cerita itu dimulai tanpa aku

Aku tidak tahu kapan tepatnya
Mungkin 10 atau 20 tahun lagi
Atau mungkin seumur hidupku
Untuk melupakan sakit dan perasaan cinta ini

Tapi biarlah kau kukenang dalam ceritaku
Karena hanya dengan mengingatmu
Aku sudah menemukan kebahagiaanku

Kasihku

Kenapa kisah cinta kita hatus berakhir, sayang?

Tidakkah kamu sadari aku masih mencintaimu?

Aku masih mencintaimu dengan sepenuh hatiku

Aku masih menyayangi dengan seluruh hatiku

Hanya kamu yang mengisi hatiku

Hanya kamu yang membuatku menangis

Hanya kamu yang membuatku tertawa

Hanya kamu yang aku butuhkan

Hanya kamu yang aku mau

Hanya kamu yang dapat menenangkanku

Rasanya sesak saat ini

Udara!

Aku butuh udara!

Aku butuh udara untuk bernafas!

Kenapa rasanya sakit...

Bahkan hanya untuk bernafas?

Apakah cintaku selalu menyakitimu?

Apakah sayangku terlalu menyedihkan?

Ataukah perasaanmu padaku tidak pernah ada?

Kini aku tersesat

Entah arah mana yang harus aku pilih

Aku hanya ingin menghilangkan rasa sakit ini

Rasa sakit yang membelengguku

Pandanganku berair

Mata ini rasanya panas

Ingin ku berlari dan meninggalkan semua

Ingin ku berteriak hingga rasa terhimpit ini hilang

Ingin ku berteriak hingga gaduh

Hingga rasa sepi ini berakhir

Tapi air mata dan teriakkanku takkan pernah terdengar

Bahkan terabai

Kini mataku menjelajah

Ku temukan benda tajam itu

Benda yang akan mengakhiri rasa sakitku

Benda yang akan menghidupkanku kembali

Benda yang akan membuatku lebih tegar

Namun,

Bukankah lebih indah jika aku pergi saja?

Ya, aku seharusnya pergi saja!

Tidak ada gunanya lagi aku disini!

Aku kembali berpikir

Apakah kau akan merasa kehilangan?

Apakah kau akan merasa sedih?

Apakah kau akan merindukanku?

Kenyataan memukulku kelak

Kau takkan pernah merasa kehilangan

Merasa sedih ataupun rindu

Karena yang kini mengisi hatimu dia

Kamu hanya akan pura pura menangis

Tetapi akan menemukan jalan untuk tersenyum

Kalau begitu, selamat tinggal kasih

Aku akan selalu menyayangimu

Hingga detik ini,

Di saat terakhirku

If

If you don't understand mental illness,
good.
Good for you
You shouldn't have to understand

If you don't understand why some people can't get out of bed in the morning,
good.
I hope you jump out of bed every single day;
ready to take the world by storm

If you don't understand how someone could drag a blade
across their skin,
good.
I hope you never that desperate to feel something

If you don't understand what would drive a girl to keep starving herself despite everything she's lost in the process,
good.
I hope you stay heavy for present and real

If you don't understand why he won't just go to church or rehab
Or someone who can help him,
good.
I hope you always have someone to turn

If you don't understand how someone can keep swallowing bottles of pills,
Lying knots in ropes,
Or standing at the steps of bridges,
good.
I hope you never that desperate to relief

If you don't understand,
good.
You're not supposed to

It's all fucking sick
Thanks for the ignorance,
It's healthy

Thank You So Much!

well, nothing's to share right now, and thanks to God for all these times. From the beginning that I started make this blog until my 50th post. *drumroll*

first of all, thanks to God who gave me so many ways to be my own savior, how keep smile in my hardest time, and how to keep wishing the best to someone that hurt you the most. And without God, I'm nothing.

there's a lot of thing that I want to tell you, this blog made by the pure-est heart, the heart that had been broken for couple times, someone who thought she had die because all the pain.

thank you for my teacher who asked me to make this blog, so I can share what I've been through and to support all of my friends out there.

then, thank you for my inspiration, my ex-boyfriend. Without him, without our sad broke up, this blog won't be something, won't be something that good for people. Without him, I would just forget the pain, the wounds, and how it feels to be on the down graders. How it feels when you don't know what will you do in your life, and how it feels if only to breathe you need so much strength.

to all my lovely visitors, without them, this blog is just an ordinary blog. Never be important, never could be a thing that people talk about, like "have you read that blog?" it means a lot to me.

and then, to my role-model, Demi Lovato. She's the best supporter I've ever got. Without her music, I'm no longer at this world. Without her, I don't know if I could heal again or not.

the last but not least, to my best friend who keep support me and show me the beautiful thing behind every storm, and they gave an inspiration to support all teenagers who suffered from mental disorder. Not only for girls, to all the boys out there. I know we don't know each others, but stay strong guys, let's suffer all things together.

Oh ya, forget to mention. To google, Wikipedia, billboard, iTunes, I said the deepest thank you.

Quotes About Pain

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”
― J.K. Rowling

“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”
― Lance Armstrong

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton

“Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain.”
― Bob Dylan

“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”
― José N. Harris

“The damage was permanent; there would always be scars. But even the angriest scars faded over time until it was difficult to see them written on the skin at all, and the only thing that remained was the memory of how painful it had been.”
― Jodi Picoult

“I always hated when my scars started to fade, because as long as I could still see them, I knew why I was hurting.”
― Jodi Picoult

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
― Erma Bombeck

“Why is there ever this perverse cruelty in humankind, that makes us hurt most those we love best?”
― Jacqueline Carey

“The unending paradox is that we do learn through pain.”
― Madeleine L'Engle

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”
― Ernest Hemingway

“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.”
― George R.R. Martin

“The worst wounds, the deadliest of them, aren't the ones people see on the outside. They're the ones that make us bleed internally.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon

“Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.”
― Richard Kadrey

“I wondered how long it could last. Maybe someday, years from now. If the pain would decrease to the point where I could bear it. I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life.”
― Stephenie Meyer

“Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental.”
― Ogden Nash

“My heart hurts that means I’m alive.”
― Kazuya Minekura

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”
― C.S. Lewis

“The cure for pain is in the pain.”
― Rumi

“Humor was a good way to hide the pain.”
― Rick Riordan

“Your heart literally hurts when it's breaking. You can feel it, every beat another ache, and nothing you can do will stop it, either from beating or breaking.”
― Alison McGhee

“There are some wounds that one can heal only by deepening them and making them worse.”
― Auguste de Villiers de l'Isle-Adam

“What the eyes don't see, the heart can't feel.”
― Dia Reeves

“Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.”
― Jim Butcher

 

Lirik Lagu Plumb-Cut

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile frame aged
With misery
And when our eyes meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when

I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden

If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when

I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when

I was cut 

Lirik Lagu Katy Perry-Unconditionally

Oh no, did I get too close?
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are unworthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through this storm I would
I'd do it all because I love you, I love you

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart, and just let it begin
Open up your heart, and just let it begin
Open up your heart
Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
And there is no fear now
Let go and just be free
'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)

I will love you
I will love you
I will love you unconditionally

Lirik Lagu Miley Cyrus-Adore You

Baby, baby are you listening?
Wondering where you've been all my life
I just started living
Oh, baby are you listening?

When you say you love me
No, I love you more
When you say you need me
No, I need you more
Boy I adore you, I adore you

Baby, can you hear me?
When I'm crying out for you
I'm scared oh, so scared
But when you're near me
I feel like I'm standing with an army
Of men armed with weapons, hey oh

When you say you love me
No, I love you more
When you say you need me
No, I need you more
Boy I adore you, I adore you

I love lying next to you
I could do this for eternity
You and me were meant to be
In Holy matrimony
God knew exactly what he was doing
When he lead me to you

When you say you love me
No, I love you more (love you more)
When you say you need me
No, I need you more
Boy I adore you, I adore you

When you say you love me
No, I love you more
When you say you need me
No, I need you more
Boy I adore you, I adore you

Lirik Lagu Radiohead-Creep

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

Oase

Semua orang memiliki masa kelam bukan? 

tetapi mereka selalu menemukan seseorang untuk berpulang

mereka selalu menemukan peri penolong

mendapatkan cinta yang menghapus duka

Lupakah engkau?

kamu oaseku

penyejuk dikegersangan gurun

penyelamatku

tapi kau pergi 

meninggalkan aku bersama bayanganmu

meninggalkan aku yang terus memeluk kepedihan

meninggalkan janji dan cinta kita

Apakah aku akan mati?

Ataukah justru bertahan?

jika diminta memilih, aku akan memilih pergi

Kenapa?

apa artinya hidup tanpa kebahagiaan?

apa artinya hidup jika oaseku telah mengering

bukankah aku tinggal menghitung jam dan mati?

Jerk

She's bleeding

But you'll never know it

She's frowning

But just walk away

Is it funny?

Did you think all things are easy for her?

You're such a chicken

Left her then making a joke on her

Now you could laugh

Said you don't care

Hurt her more everyday

And laugh after all

But, will you still laugh

When she's no longer on this world?

Will you still shout her she is such an idiot?

Tell me, who made her like that

Bodoh?

Mungkin kisah kita sudah berakhir
Apakah rasaku sudah berakhir juga?
Apakah rinduku sudah terselesaikan?
Ataukah rasa sakit ini sudah hilang?

Apa katamu?
Aku gadis yang bodoh?!
Sebut saja sesukamu
tapi aku harap kamu memikirkan ulang perkataanmu

Siapa yang bodoh, sayangku?
Aku atau dirimu?
Kamu yang meninggalkanku,
atau aku yang terus bertahan?

Aku rasa kita berdua sama-sama bodoh
kamu yang sudah mengetahui masa laluku,
berjanji untuk bersamaku,
tetapi janji itu teringkari

Aku juga bodoh,
aku harusnya menyadari, aku hanya pelarian!
oh, bukan. Aku hanyalah kelinci percobaan cintamu
tetapi masih terus bertahan di kisah cinta ini

Terlalu banyak yang ingin aku sampaikan,
seperti rasa benci, kehilangan, dan kemarahan ini
Akau benci aku yang cengeng
dan aku benci kamu yang pembohong!

Bodoh
ya, kita berdua memang bodoh
Ataukah cinta dan kehilangan membutakan kita?
Aku lelah berpura-pura baik

Kenapa kita harus berjanji jika untuk diingkari?
Mengapa kita harus mengenal jika hanya menyakiti?
Dan kenapa kita bersama tetapi saling membohongi?
Dasar bodoh

Sekarang aku tidak tahu harus berkata apa
perkataanmu menusukku
Kau bilang aku gadis yang bodoh atas tingkahku
Tapi kau tidak sadar siapa yang memulainya

Haruskah aku melupakanmu,
dan melepaskan kenangan kita?
Aku tidak akan sanggup, kasih
Aku hanya gadis bodohmu

Sang Waktu

Apa yang ada dipikiranmu tentang waktu?

Bagiku dia sangat menyebalkan

Dia membuatku kehilanganmu

Dia membuatku harus melepasmu

Bahkan dia menorehkan luka ini

Waktu adalah hal terjahat yang pernah aku temui

Kenapa?

Dia tidak pernah peduli apapun

Dan siapapun

Dia datang lalu menghilang

Dan yang tersisa hanyalah rasa pedih

Waktu,

aku berharap aku dapat memutar Sang Waktu

Berharap dapat menghentikannya

Dan memeluk semua yang aku miliki saat itu,

ketika Sang Waktu berhenti

Aku mencintainya bagaikan waktu yang terus berputar

Aku menyayanginya bagaikan waktu yang tak pernah lelan bergulir

Aku mencintainya bagaikan waktu yang yang terus berdetik

Bahkan saat semua orang tertidur

Sayang, Sang Waktu membenci kita

Dan kenyataan tidak pernah mengizinjan kita bahagia bersama

Kasih,

Maukah kau menjaga hatiku

Hingga waktu berbaik hati pada kita

Penjual Boneka dan Boneka Keramik

Ingatkah kau hari itu?

Saat kita pertama kali merasakan rasa yang sama?

Semua terasa indah saat itu,

sayang semua bergulir terlalu cepat

Aku hanya dapat menyesali semuanya

mengapa hal indah berakhir dengan cepat?

sedangkan segala sesuatu yang menyakitkan,

bertahan selamanya...

Tapi, bagaimana jika kita mengenangnya?

Aku akan bercerita,

Tentang kisah cinta penjual boneka dan boneka keramik

Tentang rasa sakit hati

dan sebuah kesetiaan

Suatu hari sebuah boneka kecil yang terbuat dari keramik mengetuk pintu sebuah toko boneka

Dia mengharapkan kasih sayang

dan perlindungan

dia ingin baik-baik saja

dia ingin diperbaiki

Dan mencari pemilik yang baru

Sang penjual boneka sangat mencintai boneka itu,

Dia anggap boneka itu miliknya seorang,

dia perbaiki dan ia jaga

tak ada satupun yang boleh menyakitinya

Penjual boneka menyayangi gadis bonekanya,

Lebih dari apapun

Tapi penjual boneka melakukan kesalahan, sayangku

Dia pergi untuk mencari boneka lain dan meninggalkan benda tajam itu disamping boneka itu

dia tidak sadar, benda itu merusak boneka yang sudah dia perbaiki

Boneka itu merasakan perih yang teramat sangat

Dia melakukan kesalahan bodoh,

jatuh cinta pada penjual boneka

yang bahkan tidak pernah memperhatikannya

Saat penjual boneka tersebut sampai di tempatnya bekerja,

boneka keramik telah hancur berantakan

Bahkan senyum di wajahnya menghilang

dia rapuh

Rapuh karna cintanya pada sang penjual boneka

Merasa telah memiliki boneka baru, 

penjual itu merapihkan boneka keramik untuk dijual

Dia tidak membutuhkan boneka keramik yang rapuh

dia membutuhkan boneka plastik yang menggemaskan

yang bisa membuatnya tersenyum

Dan bahagia

Namun, boneka keramik terlanjur jatuh hati,

Ia merusak dirinya dengan benda tajam itu

dia tidak ingin meninggalkan toko itu,

dia ingin terus bersama sang penjual boneka

Melihat hal itu, penjual boneka membuatkan kardus untuk boneka keramik, 

boneka keramik merasa sangat sangat bahagia

Namun perasaan itu berubah

penjual boneka memasukkannya dan membawa kardus berisi boneka keramik itu pergi

ke suatu tempat di antah berantah

Dia meninggalkan kardus itu

dengan senyuman tersungging

Bagaimana dengan boneka itu?

bahkan hingga saat dia sudah kembali seperti semula,

masih mengharapkan penjual boneka untuk menjemputnya,

Hari demi hari dia hitung,

tapi semua tidak berjalan lancar,

boneka keramik itu akhirnya hancur

Ketika 2 tahun setelahnya seorang laki-laki kecil menghampirinya

dan tanpa sengaja menjatuhkan boneka itu

hingga retak dan pecah

cinta memang menghancurkan satu sama lain, sayangku

Seperti rasa cintaku yang harus pupus 

karna aku harus bahagia melihatmu bersamanya

Air Mata

Beberapa orang pernah berkata padaku,  

sakit hati dan cinta tidak jauh berbeda

Awalnya aku tidak percaya,

toh sakit hati rasanya sedih dan meneteskan air mata,

sedangkan cinta membuatmu bahagia dan melukiskan senyuman

Tapi mungkin mereka benar,

sakit hati dan cinta tidak jauh berbeda;

sama-sama membutakan

Aku mengenalnya pada tahun ajaran baru

Semua biasa saja, 

tidak pernah ada yang spesial diantara kita

Tapi semua kisah selalu memiliki awal masalah bukan?

semua masalah itu dimulai dari 8 bulan yang lalu,

tugas kelompok lah yang menyatukan kita

Menyatukan perbedaan 180 derajat kita

Yah, semua indah

air mata hanyalah air mata kebahagiaan

Semua mulai berubah semenjak 2 bulan lalu,

gadis itu datang dan membuatku selalu merasa kehilanganmu

Air mataku kini tidak pernah berhenti mengalir

Rasa sakit ini terus menghantuiku

Perih dan panas selalu membara dalam diriku

Bahagiaku berubah, 

menjadi segala sesuatu yang kelabu

Aku mungkin terlihat tegar dan bahagia

benarkah itu yang sebenarnya?

Air mataku takkan pernah kering lagi,

hatiku takkan pernah utuh lagi,

luka ini takkan pernah sembuh,

dan sakit ini takkan pernah hilang

Aneh?

mungkin

Tapi coba tanyakan lagi pada dirimu ketika dia menyakitimu

Masin sanggupkah engkau tertawa?

seolah-olah kau tiada dan dunia hanya debu

Masih sanggupkah kau menjalani hari tanpa rasa sakit?

aku ragu,

karna cinta dan sakit hati membuat semua orang lemah

Kembali pada kisah air mataku,

mereka jarang keluar,

bermain dan berlompatan hanya karna seorang laki-laki 

Mereka lebih senang mengurung diri

dan keluar jika ada urusan

Tapi kamu merubah mereka,

kamu membuka kunci pintu itu,

dan membiarkan mereka berlompatan

bahkan mereka melawan apa yang ingin aku lakukan

Aku mulai lelah

aku ingin berhenti dan melanjutkan hidup

aku ingin menyudahi rasa sakit

dan air mata ini

Saat itulah seseorang datang dan menghapus air mataku

memelukku dengan erat dan penuh kehangatan

Senyum mulai terlukis di bibirku

tapi air mata ini belum berhenti

malah bertambah deras

Malam ini

Malam ini aku diam termenung,
entah apa yang ada dipikiranku,
tapi seseorang bermain-main di benakku
Aku tersenyum kecil saat menyadarinya,
namun kenyataan segera membangunkanku,
Aku bukan milikmu lagi sekarang

Kau anggap aku bagaikan debu sekarang ini,
ada tapi tak perlu kau sentuh,
nyata tapi tak kau hiraukan
Pedih, kenapa dunia harus kejam seperti ini?

Kamu tahu, duhai kasih?
Aku tidak pernah takut untuk bermimpi
dan menjalani hidup sebelum ini,
Cintamulah yang membuatku kuat
harapan dan masa depan kita yang menopangku

Sayang kau sudah tak di sampingku,
banyak cerita yang ingin kusampaikan padamu,
tentang hatiku yang terluka,
tentang pahitnya obat yang harus ku minum,
dan juga tentang sakitnya ketika jarum mencium kulitku

Seperti tanggal 16 pada setiap bulannya,
aku akan menginap di rumah sakit,
aku akan menjalani perawatan
Dan mungkin operasi esok hari
Aku ingat kamu yang selalu menyemangatiku,
berkata operasiku akan selalu berhasil,
berkata jiwaku akan selalu hidup karena kau menungguku,
berkata aku selalu mempunyai impian yang membuatku bertahan,
KITA

Aku ragu,
mungkinkah yang kali ini akan berhasil
ataukah aku akan pergi meninggalkan semuanya?
Aku masih ingin bertahan,
melihatmu bahagia bersamanya,
walaupun sebenarnya itu menyiksaku

Entahlah, aku tidak seyakin kemarin,
aku rasa itu semua karna dirimu,
kau membawa semua warna itu dalam hidupku,
Satu yang tidak pernah aku pertimbangkan,
kapan aku harus mengembalikan warna itu padamu

Yah, aku hanya berharap Tuhan memberiku kesempatan satu kali lagi
untuk menjagamu,
membelaimu,
menyayangimu,
namun jika itu tidak terjadi,
sudahlah....
Aku ingin kau mengingatku sebagai aku yang dulu
aku yang pernah kau cintai

Malam ini aku memeluk lututku
meredakan rasa sakit yang kurasakan
air mata mengalir
aku rindu aroma tubuhmu saat merangkulku
Memelukku dengan hangat,
mencium puncak kepalaku dengan lembut,
dan berkata aku akan baik-baik saja

Maka malam ini ku pasrahkan semuanya,
aku tutup mataku dan tidak banyak berfikir,
aku hanya terbaring dan merasakan perubahan yang aneh,
Cahaya putih dating menghampiriku,
aku tahu, aku harus tersenyum,
inilah saatku untuk berbahagia

Dan membiarkan kalian merajut cinta
di perahu kecil kalian

 

Kehilangan

Dadaku sesak bagaikan terikat erat
Tenggorokanku panas dan perih baikan tersayat pisau
Pandanganku buram
Dan perasaanku sakit bagaikan dipukul godam

Banyak orang yang membicarakan kalian
Kau dan dia,
hubungan kalian berdua
Yah, mereka bilang kalian berdua sangat bahagia

Pikiranku melayang, mengingat masa lalu kita
Kamu yang selalu tersenyum manis padaku
Kamu yang selalu membuatku menangis dan tertawa
Serta kamu yang selalu sukses membuatku kesal

Aku pun teringat akan semua janjimu
Akan semua rencana yang telah kita susun
Aku ingat, kamu pernah berkata
Akulah wanita yang akan selalu mengisi hatimu

Aku ingat janjimu yang tidak akan meninggalkanku
Aku ingat kata-katamu yang berkata "aku mencintaimu, selamanya"
Aku ingat tutur lembutmu yang menenangkanku
Namun semua sudah hilang, terbakar, dan menjadi debu

Aku memandang bintang di langit dan teringat rencana kita berdua
Rencana tentang nilai pelajaran serta bintang untuk masing-masing nilai
Oh iya, juga medali yang kita buat dan kita persembahkan bagi Sang Pemenang
Aku ingat, kamu sangat bersemangat akan hal itu

Sekarang jalan kita telah berpisah
Aku bersama kesendirianku
dan kamu bersama dirinya
melupakan semua yang pernah terjadi diantara "kita"

Aku tidak akan pernah marah padamu,
Sesakit apapun itu, aku masih mencintaimu
Bodoh? Sangat
Aku masih menyayangimu

Aku masih membuat bintang-bintang tersebut
Aku masih menulis namamu di pergelangan tanganku
Masih ku ukir inisial kita berdua
Foto kita masih menjadi hiasan kamarku

Sakit rasanya
Bahkan bernafas pun menjadi bagian tersulit dalam hidup
5 hari aku berpapasan dengan kalian
menahan tangis yang menyesakkan

Bulimia

What is bulimia? I've never heard it--"

Bulimia Nervosa(a.k.a bulimia) is an eating disorder characterized by binge eating and purging, or consuming a large amount of food in a short amount of time followed by an attempt to rid oneself of the food consumed (purging), typically by vomiting, taking a laxative, diuretic, or stimulant, or excessive exercise, because of an extensive concern for body weight.

Bulimia nervosa means disease of hunger affecting the nervous system. Bulimia nervosa was named and first described by the British psychiatrist Gerald Russel in 1979.

Then, how's their life?

Some individuals may tend to alternate between bulimia nervosa and anorexia nervosa. Bulimia is also commonly accompanied with fasting over an extended period of time. These dangerous, habit-forming practices occur while the sufferer is trying to keep their weight under a self-imposed threshold. It can lead to potassium loss and health deterioration, with depressive symptoms that are often severe and lead to a high risk of suicide. Bulimia nervosa is considered to be less life threatening than anorexia; however, the occurrence of bulimia nervosa is higher.

Many individuals with bulimia nervosa also have an additional psychiatric disorder. Common comorbidities are mood disorder, anxiety, impulse control, and substance-misuse disorders. Patients with bulimia nervosa often have impulsive behaviors involving overspending and sexual behaviors as well as having family histories of alcohol and substance abuse, mood and eating disorder.

How could we know it?

Well, here's the sign of someone who has bulimia

• fixation on number of calories consumed
• fixation on and extreme consciousness of weight
• low self-esteem
• low blood pressure
• irregular menstrual cycle
• constant trips to the bathroom
• depression

As with many psychiatric illnesses, delusions can occur with other signs and symptoms leaving the person with a false belief that is not ordinarily accepted by others.

The causes are...?

Bulimia has two causes, biological and social, but I'm going to share the causes of social. Why? Because at the moat bulimia case, the patient had bulimia because of the sociality.

Media portrayals of an 'ideal' body shape are widely considered to be a contributing factor to bulimia.

All human wants to be a 'perfect' person in so many ways, and sometimes being popular is the most important thing these days.

So many girls want to be perfect as the actress on television. They think their body isn't good enough, and embrace themselves. 

And the popular girls usually bully someone who they think isn't perfect.

The last...

Share the love to everyone, cause love is louder than a preasure to be perfect.  Make them realise that this life is worth for life, and, everyone's perfect in their on    way.

Dissociative Identity Disorder

What is Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Dissociative Identity Disorder also known as MPD, or Multiple Personality Disorder  is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person's behavior, and is accompanied by memory impairment for important information not explained by ordinary forgetfulness. These symptoms are not accounted for by substance abuse, seizures, other medical conditions, nor by imaginative play in children.

How About The Track Record?ups

DID is one of the most controversial psychiatric disorders with no clear consensus regarding its diagnosis or treatment. Research on treatment effectiveness still focuses mainly on clinical approaches and case studies. Dissociative symptoms range from common lapses in attention, becoming distracted by something else, and daydreaming, to pathological dissociative disorders. No systematic, empirically-supported definition of "dissociation" exists.

DID is diagnosed more frequently in North America than in the rest of the world, and is diagnosed three to nine times more often in females than in males. The prevalence of DID increased greatly in the latter half of the 20th century, along with the number of identities (often referred to as "alters") claimed by patients (increasing from an average of two or three to approximately 16). DID is also controversial within the legal system where it has been used as a rarely-successful form of the insanity defense.

Dissociative disorders including DID have been attributed to disruptions in memory caused by trauma and other forms of stress, but research on this hypothesis has been characterized by poor methodology. So far, scientific studies, usually focusing on memory, have been few and the results have been inconclusive. An alternative hypothesis for the etiology of DID is as a product of techniques employed by some therapists, especially those using hypnosis, and disagreement between the two positions is characterized by intense debate. DID became a popular diagnosis in the 1970s, 80s and 90s but it is unclear if the actual incidence of the disorder increased, if it was more recognized by clinicians, or if sociocultural factors caused an increase in iatrogenic presentations. The unusual number of diagnoses after 1980, clustered around a small number of clinicians and the suggestibility characteristic of those with DID, support the hypothesis that DID is therapist-induced. The unusual clustering of diagnoses has also been explained as due to a lack of awareness and training among clinicians to recognize cases of DID.

Oh, My... What is The Causes?!

Developmental Trauma

People diagnosed with DID often report that they have experienced severe physical and sexual abuse, especially during early to mid-childhood, (although the accuracy of these reports has been disputed) and others report an early loss, serious medical illness or other traumatic event. They also report more historical psychological trauma than those diagnosed with any other mental illness.

Severe sexual, physical, or psychological trauma in childhood has been proposed as an explanation for its development; awareness, memories and emotions of harmful actions or events caused by the trauma are removed from consciousness, and alternate personalities or sub-personalities form with differing memories, emotions and behavior.DID is attributed to extremes of stress or disorders of attachment. What may be expressed as post-traumatic stress disorder in adults may become DID when occurring in children, possibly due to their greater use of imagination as a form of coping.

Then, How to Suffer?

Therapy for DID is generally phase oriented. Different alters may appear based on their greater ability to deal with specific situational stresses or threats. While some patients may initially present with a large number of alters, this number may reduce during treatment — though it is considered important for the therapist to become familiar with at least the more prominent personality states as the "host" personality may not be the "true" identity of the patient. Specific alters may react negatively to therapy, fearing the therapists goal is to eliminate the alter (particularly those associated with illegal or violent activities). A more realistic and appropriate goal of treatment is to integrate adaptive responses to abuse, injury or other threats into the overall personality structure. There is debate over issues such as whether exposure therapy (reliving traumatic memories, also known as abreaction), engagement with alters and physical contact during therapy is appropriate and there are clinical opinions both for and against each option with little high-quality evidence for any position.

The Last...

You guys, don't ever think MPD or DID is one of act for attention, an act because they're upset, if you really don't understand about people feeling, don't judge it.

 

Selama Kau di Sampingku

Desember,
identik dengan musim dingin
Musim dingin tahun ini adalah musim dingin tercantik,
walaupun ada sesuatu di dalam hatiku yang memberontak
Salju pertama turun pada malam natal,
Seluruh keluarga besarku berkumpul dan merayakan natal bersama
Tapi, aku tahu ada sesuatu yang kurang disini

Aku beranjak ke kamarku
Rasanya hatiku terlalu hampa,
Aku tidak ingin menyakiti perasaan Nenek dengan berpura-pura bahagia

Pikiranku melayang
Kenangan tahun lalu menari-nari dengan lincahnya di dalam kepalaku
Senyum pahit tersungging di wajahku

Malam natal tahun lalu adalah natal terbaik di sepanjang hidupku
Aku menghabiskan malam natal bersamanya
Menghabiskan waktu bersama sepanjang malam
Kencan pertamaku

Senja menyapa, dia datang ke apartemenku
Menjemputku, dan menjanjikan malam yang takkan pernah ku lupakan
Seperti kencan umum lainnya, kami makan malam romantis bersama
Setelah itu, kami menonton pertunjukkan balet

Gerakan yang indah dengan perpaduan musik yang menenangkan
Tangan mungilku digenggam erat olehnya
Senyum tidak pernah terlepas dari bibirku
Ingin rasanya aku membuat waktu berhenti dan tidak berputar lagi
Percayalah, aku rela melakukan apapun untuk membuat waktu berhenti

Sayang pertunjukkan telah usai,
namun ternyata kejutan belum selesai
Dia mengajakku ke area seluncur es
Pada awalnya aku meringis,
karena aku peseluncur yang sangat-sangat payah

Dengan lembut ia menuntunku untuk berdansa di area seluncur
Rasanya seperti berada di dalam mimpi
sebelum ini aku hanya memperhatikan orang-orang yang berdansa di area seluncur ini
namun sekarang, aku ada disini, bersama pria yang sangat ku cintai

Kami menari mengikuti musik yang mengalun dengan lembut
Ku rebahkan kepalaku ke pundaknya
Dia membuatku ingin terus berdansa
Padahal menari adalah kelemahan utamaku

Semua orang tersenyum bahagia
Aku menatap mata indahnya dan tersenyum kembali
Tiba-tiba serpihan salju pertama turun
tepat di telapak tanganku

Mungkin dia benar, malam natal tahun ini takkan pernah ku lupakan
Sepanjang perjalanan menuju rumah senyum tersungging indah di bibirku

"Christy,"
panggil seseorang lembut
Aku menoleh,
Nenekku
Aku menatap kalung yang bertengger di leherku
Setetes air mata terjatuh di pipiku

"Alan tidak akan suka melihatmu menangis, hapuslah air matamu,"
dengan sentuhan lembut Nenek menghapus air mataku
Aku segera beranjak dan berganti pakaian
Gaun sutra hitam ku pasangkan dengan mantel rajutan nenek
Rasanya nyaman dan hangat

Setelah mematut diri di cermin, aku turun ke bawah
Nenek memelukku dan menuntunku masuk ke mobil
Aku menghembuskan nafas menahan tangis

Sesampainya disana, aku segera berlari menghampiri salah satu makam
Aku menaruh bunga mawar merah di atasnya
tanda cinta
Aku tersenyum tipis

"Hai, Alan
Aku merindukan tahun lalu,
Kamu benar tentang dunia,
Mereka tidak pernah adil, mereka tidak pernah senang melihat kita tersenyum bahagia
Tapi, apa kamu tahu?
Malam natal tahun lalu memang malam natal terindah yang takkan pernah mungkin aku lupakan
Terkadang aku masih sering menyalahkan diriku sendiri atas kepergianmu
Tapi aku rasa Nenek benar,
Aku harus berhenti menyalahkan diri sendiri dan mulai tersenyum menghadap dunia
Tapi aku membutuhkan kamu
Aku selalu merasa lengkap dengan kehadiran kamu disisiku
Bagaimana kalau kamu berjanji untuk terus berada disampingku?"

Aku balik badan menghadap keluargaku
Mereka tersenyum melihatku tersenyum
Tiba-tiba aku merasa ada yang memelukku, hangat
Aku menoleh dan menemukan Alan di sampingku
Aku tahu Alan mendengar permohonan natalku tahun ini
Dan aku tahu aku akan baik-baik saja

Selama Alan terus berada di sampingku
 

Membutakan

Gadis itu hanya duduk diam meringkuk di dekat jendela
Salah satu tangannya memegang pisau
Air mata meluncur deras tidak bisa ia tahan
Dia menatap pisau itu sebentar dan dengan mantap ia tusukkan ke dekat nadinya

Ia sudah tidak peduli lagi akan rasa sakit yang ditimbulkan
Darah menetes dari pergelangan tangannya
Senyum tipis nan miris tersungging
Kenapa tidak ia teruskan saja hingga ia tewas?

Gadis itu mencari obat-obatan
Apapun itu ia tidak peduli
Ia hanya butuh sesuatu untuk menghilangkan rasa sakitnya
Ia butuh sesuatu yang dapat membunuhnya

Sekali teguk ia minum 10 butir obat paracetamol
Dia pergi ke kamarnya lalu terdiam
Ia memandangi langit penuh bintang dan bertanya

Mungkinkah ku lihat lagi bintang esok hari?
Atau Tuhan mengabulkan permohonanku untuk pergi dari dunia ini?
Mungkin ini malam terakhir aku menangis
Karena esok mungkin takkan pernah datang

Satu goresan tidak membuatnya menangis
Dua goresan memunculkan senyum di wajah cantiknya
Sepuluh goresan, ia tidak peduli

Lalu matanya terpaku pada sepucuk surat
Ia mengambil surat itu dan mulai membaca
Ia tambahkan beberapa kata yang seharusnya ia ungkapkan

Setetes air mata terjatuh kembali dari mata cantiknya
Seulas senyuman tersungging dengan damai
Dan dengan satu goresan, ia menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya dengan tenang
Tidak ada yang tahu kejadian itu
Dan tidak ada satu pun yang peduli,
Hingga...

Sahabat karib gadis itu datang ke rumahnya
Ia membuka kamar gadis itu dengan gembira
Namun apa yang ia lihat?
Sahabat yang ia sayangi sudah tiada
Dengan darah yang masih menetes dari pergelangan tangannya

Ketika pandangannya mulai mengabur, ia melihat amplop yang dipeluk gadis itu
Ia buka dan airmatanya mulai mengalir dengan deras

Entah kenapa rasanya sakit, aku udah nggak kuat ada disini, aku minta Tuhan narik rasa sakitku dan ngejauhin aku dari dunia ini.
Kamu tau? Aku bahagia pernah ketemu dan kenal kamu, sayang terlalu singkat, namun tidak apa-apa, kita masih punya kehidupan di masa mendatang.
Ucapanku bukan gertakan semata, bukan? Rasa sakit itu membutakan, benar kan? Lantas apa yang tidak kamu percaya? Aku mengakhiri hidupku seperti ini?
Hah, seharusnya kamu memikirkan ulang kata-katamu. Bukankah kamu yang membuatku menggali lubang kuburku sendiri? Kamu yang membuat upacara pemakaman ini? Apakah ini sesuai dengan yang kamu harapkan?
Aku harap kamu bahagia bersamanya, bersama gadis yang mampu mengerti kamu apa adanya. Satu hal yang harus kamu tau, aku sayang kamu, dan akan selalu begitu.

Belum sampai di kalimat terakhir Sang Sahabat terjatuh di sebelah gadis
Ia menyesali kebodohannya dengan tidak pernah memikirkan perasaan gadis itu
Ia pergi meninggalkan gadis itu dan mencari pertolongan

Lantas apa kalimat terakhir gadis itu?

Tapi maaf, kalian terlambat menolongku, aku sudah menemukan benda ini untuk menemaniku. Jangan menangis di kuburanku, karna kamulah pembunuhku yang sebenarnya.

Loving Him

I guess I have a story
It's about how my heart turns in two
When he left with no words
And not a nice goodbye

These days I'm feeling like a zombie
I wake up in the morning, do usual things, but inside I feel death
It's like my life turns into grey
And my smile just fly away

Then, he said we could make up
But he replaced me
My world crashing down
And I couldn't any worse

Honestly, I still love him
Stupid? I guess
But, he's like the part of me
The one I can't live without

I'm tired of this tears
I'm sick of this pain
Why can't I be death
Or sleep for awhile

People livinv with a hope
Hope could make people stronger
When your hope just left you broken
What will you do?

I'm screamin
I'm crying
But no one seems to hear
No one seems to understand

Is it as easy as that to forget me?
To never realize what you've done
And what you've said
And all this memories

This pain is real
These scars like a battle wounds
I don't know when
But I know it'll get better

                    Happy failed anniversary, dear
                              I'll always love you

Lirik Lagu Miley Cyrus-Wrecking Ball

We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain
We jumped, never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky
And now, you're not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now, we're ashes on the ground

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force

I guess I should've let you win
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me

Lirik Lagu Taylor Swift-Red

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
Faster than the wind
Passionate as sin, ended so suddenly

Loving him is like trying to change your mind
Once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn
So bright just before they lose it all

Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you’ve never met

But loving him was red
Loving him was red
Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song

Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong
Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you’ve never met

But loving him was red
Oh red burning red

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head

Burning red!
Darling it was red!

Oh, losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you’ve never met
Cause loving him was red

Yeah yeah red

We’re burning red
And that’s why he’s spinning round in my head
Comes back to me burning red

Yeah yeah

Cause love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Lirik Lagu Pink-True Love ft. Lily Allen

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There's no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you

At the same time,
I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck

You're an asshole,
But I love you

And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here
Or where could I go

You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you
So much

I think it must be...

True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like...

True love, true love
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

Ooh, Ooh

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings
Just once please try not to be so mean
Repeat after me now
R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E
Come on, I'll say it slowly (romance)
You can do it baby

At the same time,
I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck

You're an asshole,
But I love you

And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here
Or where could I go

You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you
So much

I think it must be...

True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like...

True love, true love
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

Ooh, Ooh

(I love you, I think it must be true love)

Why do you rub me up the wrong way?
Why do you say the things that you say?
Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be
But without you I'm incomplete

I think it must be...

True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like...

True love, true love
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you
(like you)
No one else can break my heart like you
(like you)
No one else can break my heart like you
Ooh, Ooh

I SELF-HARMED Myself

Malem itu orang tua gue udah tidur, kakak sama adek-adek gue juga udah tidur. Gue nyelinap ke dapur buat nyari obat sakit kepala. Setelah gue dapetin obat sakit kepala itu, gue ambil minum, gue pergi ke kamar, dan gue langsung minum sepuluh butir sekaligus. Gila emang, tapi gue udah nggak peduli.

Gue ngeliat ada cutter di atas meja belajar gue. Tanpa pikir panjang gue bawa benda itu dan masuk ke kamar mandi. Gue nyalain shower, gue duduk ngeliatin cutter itu. Nggak kerasa air mata gue tumpah.

Gue nggak tau harus cerita ke siapa, gue nggak mau ganggu sahabat gue karna mereka sendiri lagi punya masalah. Pacar gue? Entahlah dia kemana, udah hampir seminggu kita lost contact, padahal tinggal seminggu lagi gue ngerayain hari jadi gue.

Air mata gue tambah deres, bahkan rasanya dada gue sesek nggak ketahan, perih banget, gue benci sama hidup ini, gue benci sama diri gue sendiri, akhirnya gue mulai ngegoresin cutter itu ke pergelangan tangan gue.

Perih. Tapi gue emang bener-bener butuh rasa sakit itu, gue pengen ngeliat sedalem apa luka di hati gue. Lo bingung? Oke gue jelasin, gue itu orang yang suka nyiksa diri gue kalau gue lagi sedih atau depresi, dan biasanya dengan bikin luka baru gue bisa bikin rasa sakit di hati gue berenti. Walaupun cuma buat sementara.

Satu goresan, kurang. Dua goresan, masih kerasa sakitnya. Tiga goresan, gue butuh lebih dari itu. Empat goresan, please jangan berenti. Lima goresan, cutter itu lepas dari tangan gue. Tiba-tiba terlintas muka orang-orang yang gue sayangin. Gue berdiri dan balik ke kamar gue.

Di kamar gue diem ngeliat langit. Gue berharap besok semuanya berubah, gue berharap besok lebih baik, gue senyum ngeliat bintang di langit.

Gue ngecheck hand-phone gue. Belom ada bbm masuk, gue pun ngucapin selamat pagi buat pacar gue duluan. Tapi semuanya berubah. Gue ngerasa dipukul pake godam.

Gue putus. Rasanya ancur banget. Gue sama dia putus. Padahal 2 hari lagi gue setaun sama dia. Gue nangis kejer pas baca, gue nggak kuat rasanya perih banget banget banget.

Pas gue lagi nangis, Adek gue dateng ke kamar, gue ngeliat diaa semba, pasti ada yang nggak beres, gue pun langsung lari, turun ke bawah, dan bener aja, kedua adek gue, Kakak, sama orang tua gue duduk di ruang keluarga. Gue ngambil posisi di sebelah kakak gue.

Ayah mulai pembicaraan, dan itu hal terakhir yang pengen gue denger. Gue langsung lari ke kamar gue, ngunci diri dan nangis sesenggukan, mata gue ngeliat cutter yang semalem gue pake, gue masuk ke kamar mandi, gue nyalain keran, gue teriak sekenceng-kencengnya dan mulai ngegores tangan gue pake cutter.

Darah mulai netes dari pergelangan tangan gue. Tapi rasa sakitnya nggak kerasa, gue lebih dari sekedar ancur, baru diputusin, ortu gue cerai, dan gue terpaksa tinggal sama Ayah disini. Adek gue harus ikut Ibu, kakak gue entah kenapa dengan kejamnya milih sama Ibu. Sedangkan gue? Gue harus nemenin Ayah.

Pintu kamar gue diketok, gue nggak peduli, gue diem disini dan ngebiarin darah gue netes. Gue benci banget sama semuanya.

Perut gue perih, tapi gue nggak ngomong apa-apa, bahkan gue yakin maag gue udah parah banget. Tapi gue nggak mau makan, gue mau mati aja, gue bahkan belom tidur selama 6 hari, gue juga nggak makan, gue berasa zombie.

Di sekolah gue biasa aja, gue senyum, gue ketawa, gue becanda, bahkan nggak ada satupun yang tau apa yang gue alamin. Tapi begitu di rumah, gue nangis kejer, ngunci diri, dan nyiksa diri gue sendiri. Bodoh? Emang. Tapi sekali lagi gue tekenin gue nggak peduli!

Besoknya gue dapet kabar, mantan gue jadian sama sahabat gue. Gue tambah ancur disitu, feeling gue emang nggak pernah salah, gue emang udah curiga sama mereka berdua. Gue pun tambah masuk ke lubang hitam gue. Bahkan gue nggak tau gue bisa bangkit lagi atau enggak.

Pagi itu Ayah gue nyuruh siap-siap, gue mau dikenalin sama temennya, gue pikir itu calon pengganti Ibu gue, jadi gue siap-siapnya asal. Sesampainya disana, gue bingung kenapa malah ke tempat ini, dan ternyata....

Lirik Lagu MKTO-Thank You

 Yo, this one right here is for all the drop-out-of-schoolers.
The future cougars. The Mary Jane abusers.
The ones that chose to be losers, for all the Misfit Kids and total outcasts MKTO.
This one's for you role models.

We are the ones, the ones you left behind.
Don't tell us how, tell us how to live our lives.
Ten million strong we're breaking all the rules.
Thank you for nothing, cause there's nothing left to lose.

Thank you for feeding us years of lies.
Thank you for the wars you left us to fight.
Thank you for the world you ruined overnight.
But we'll be fine, yeah we'll be fine.

Thank you for the world you broke,
Like yolk and it ain't no joke.
So cold and there ain't no coat,
Just me, my friends, my folks
And we gonna do what we like.
So raise that bird up high
And when they ask you why.
Just stand there laugh and smile.

We are the ones, the ones you left behind.
Don't tell us how, tell us how to live our lives.
Ten million strong we're breaking all the rules.
Thank you for nothing, cause there's nothing left to lose.

Na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na na na na
(Thank you)

Thank you for the times you said, "Don't make a sound."
Thanks for the ropes you used to hold us down.
Cause when I break through I'ma use them to reach the clouds.
We ain't comin' down (Come on). We ain't comin' down (Hey).

Look, ma, I finally made it,
This world is too damn jaded.
My life is just like Vegas,
Go big, go home get faded.
Been a prob since '92.
Can't shut me down curfew
And them girls I'll take a few.
Do what I wanna do.

We are the ones, the ones you left behind.
Don't tell us how, don't tell us how to live our lives.
Ten million strong we're breaking all the rules.
Thank you for nothing, cause there's nothing left to lose.

Na na na na (hey)
Na na na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na na na na
(Thank you)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
From head to toe from the soul you ripped apart.
I say,
I say, "Thank you."
Yeah, yeah

We are the ones, the ones you left behind.
Don't tell us how, tell us how to live our lives.
Ten million strong we're breaking all the rules.
Thank you for nothing, cause there's nothing left to lose.

We are the ones, the ones you left behind.
Don't tell us how, tell us how to live our lives.
Ten million strong we're breaking all the rules.
Thank you for nothing, cause there's nothing left to lose.

(Thank you)

Na na na na (hey)
Na na na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na na na na
(Thank you)

Yo if you don't like what they tell you to do, don't do it.
If you don't want to be who they want you to be, screw it.
It's your world, it's your life and they ruined it.
Role models, tune in, turn up, drop out 

Lirik Lagu Lady Gaga-Applause

I stand here waiting for you to bang the gong
To crash the critic saying, "is it right or is it wrong?"
If only fame had an IV, baby could I bear
Being away from you, I found the vein, put it in here

I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause, live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause

Give me that thing that I love(Turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch(Make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love(Turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch(Make it real loud)

A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E
Make it real loud
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E
Make it real loud
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

I've overheard your theory
"Nostalgia's for geeks"
I guess sir, if you say so
Some of us just like to read

One second I'm a kunst
Then suddenly the kunst is me
Pop culture was in art
Now, art's in pop culture in me

I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause, live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause

Give me that thing that I love(Turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch
(Make it real loud)Give me that thing that I love(Turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch(Make it real loud)

A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E
Make it real loud
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E
Make it real loud
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch
Touch, touchTouch, touch, now

I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause, live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause

Give me that thing that I love(Turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch(Make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love(Turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch(Make it real loud)

A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E
Make it real loud
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E
Make it real loud
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

A-R-T-P-O-P

Lirik Lagu Timeflies-I Choose You

Late nights, New York, trouble on my mind;
Crossed town to the west end, I’m wasting my time.
Down south back roads, dust clouds yeahh.

Backseat of that Chevrolet, but it wasn’t there.
Missed the flight out of Heathrow, got stuck up in a one room flat.
She’s so fit tryna hold me down, while I was just trying to get back.

Malibu, beach flow, crushing on these shores.
A smile shining like gold, but that smile wasn’t yours.
And I know, I know, I know, I know, you see..

Everybody needs somebody to love.
Everybody needs somebody to love.
And I choose you.
Yeah ahhyeah
I choose you.

I told ya, everybody needs somebody to love.
Everybody needs somebody to love.
And I choose you.
(You know I choose you, wouldn’t ever want to loose you)
And I choose you.

And I choose you-u-u-u-u-u-u.
And I choose you-u-u-u-u-u-u.

Like this:
High heels, dirty talk, hand cuffs and chains.
Nails down my back, but I never knew her name.

Bright eyes, sun dress, daddy’s little girl.
She changed my life, but you changed my world.
And I know, I know, I know, I know, you see…

Everybody needs somebody to love.
Everybody needs somebody to love.
And I choose you.

You know I choose you
I choose you.
You know I choose you

Everybody needs somebody to love.
Everybody needs somebody to love.

And I choose you.
And I choose you.
And I choose you-u-u-u-u-u-u.
And I choose you-u-u-u-u-u-u.


You’re every place that I’ve been baby, you’re every face that I’ve seen;
You’re everywhere and I’m going crazy, your body rockin my dreams;
You’re always up in my mind, you’re everywhere that I go;
You’re everything in this time, so girl I’m lettin you know;

That I’m rolling up in a fly whip, come ride this and just close your eyes;
Showin up with my sidekick, my, superhero with a dope disguise;
No wonder woman, all our dreams are coming true;
So don’t be scared of losing me, because I’m always choosing you.

Everybody needs somebody to love.
Everybody needs somebody to love.
And I choose you.
(I choose you)
I choose you.
(You know I choose you, I could never loose you)
And I choose you-u-u-u-u-u-u.
And I choose you-u-u-u-u-u-u.

Everybody needs somebody to love.
And I choose you-u-u-u-u-u-u.
I need somebody to lo-o-o-ove.
I need somebody to lo-o-o-ove.
And if you need somebody to love, then I choose you.

Quotes From Song Lyrics

 “Get up, stand up, Stand up for your rights. Get up, stand up, Don't give up the fight.”
― Bob Marley
“I've been burdened with blame trapped in the past for too long, I'm moving on”
― Rascal Flatts
“When pain brings you down, don't be silly, don't close your eyes and cry, you just might be in the best position to see the sun shine.”
― Alanis Morissette
“I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul...”
― Bob Dylan
“You think you're lost but you're not lost on your own. You're not alone. I will stand by you, I will help you through when you’ve done all you can do.
If you can’t cope, I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight and I wont let go”
― Rascal Flatts
“I truly loved you, but now I'm walking away”
― Jonny Lang
“Lose your dream, you lose your mind.”
― The Rolling Stones
“Our love is like a song
but you won't sing along.”
― Demi Lovato
“Time made me stronger, you're no longer on my mind”
― Boyz II Men
“Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone.”
― Joni Mitchell
“These are the seasons of emotion,
and like the winds, they rise and fall.”
― Led Zeppelin
"Yeah, you don't know what you've till it's gone"
-The Jonas Brothers
“And baby, the way you move me it's crazy”
― Ray Lamontagne
 

Quotes About Heartbreak

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
― Mark Twain
“The heart was made to be broken.”
― Oscar Wilde
“Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall.”
― Jodi Picoult
“Was it hard?" I ask.
Letting go?"
Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.”
― Lisa Schroeder
“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it...”
― Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight    
“He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It’s his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry.”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief    
“Hearts are breakable," Isabelle said. "And I think even when you heal, you're never what you were before".”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
“I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay”
― Sara Evans
“Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don't.”
― Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis
“Did I really want to stay on this road longer, knowing it was only going to end in devastation?”
― Becca Fitzpatrick, Crescendo
“Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars.”
― Violeta Parra
“Love, it never dies. It never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hang on to it. Love can make you immortal”
― Gayle Forman, If I Stay
“I think you are wrong to want a heart. It makes most people unhappy. If you only knew it, you are in luck not to have a heart.”
― L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz    
“The saddest thing about love, Joe, is that not only the love cannot last forever, but even the heartbreak is soon forgotten.”
― William Faulkner