Kasihku

Kenapa kisah cinta kita hatus berakhir, sayang?

Tidakkah kamu sadari aku masih mencintaimu?

Aku masih mencintaimu dengan sepenuh hatiku

Aku masih menyayangi dengan seluruh hatiku

Hanya kamu yang mengisi hatiku

Hanya kamu yang membuatku menangis

Hanya kamu yang membuatku tertawa

Hanya kamu yang aku butuhkan

Hanya kamu yang aku mau

Hanya kamu yang dapat menenangkanku

Rasanya sesak saat ini

Udara!

Aku butuh udara!

Aku butuh udara untuk bernafas!

Kenapa rasanya sakit...

Bahkan hanya untuk bernafas?

Apakah cintaku selalu menyakitimu?

Apakah sayangku terlalu menyedihkan?

Ataukah perasaanmu padaku tidak pernah ada?

Kini aku tersesat

Entah arah mana yang harus aku pilih

Aku hanya ingin menghilangkan rasa sakit ini

Rasa sakit yang membelengguku

Pandanganku berair

Mata ini rasanya panas

Ingin ku berlari dan meninggalkan semua

Ingin ku berteriak hingga rasa terhimpit ini hilang

Ingin ku berteriak hingga gaduh

Hingga rasa sepi ini berakhir

Tapi air mata dan teriakkanku takkan pernah terdengar

Bahkan terabai

Kini mataku menjelajah

Ku temukan benda tajam itu

Benda yang akan mengakhiri rasa sakitku

Benda yang akan menghidupkanku kembali

Benda yang akan membuatku lebih tegar

Namun,

Bukankah lebih indah jika aku pergi saja?

Ya, aku seharusnya pergi saja!

Tidak ada gunanya lagi aku disini!

Aku kembali berpikir

Apakah kau akan merasa kehilangan?

Apakah kau akan merasa sedih?

Apakah kau akan merindukanku?

Kenyataan memukulku kelak

Kau takkan pernah merasa kehilangan

Merasa sedih ataupun rindu

Karena yang kini mengisi hatimu dia

Kamu hanya akan pura pura menangis

Tetapi akan menemukan jalan untuk tersenyum

Kalau begitu, selamat tinggal kasih

Aku akan selalu menyayangimu

Hingga detik ini,

Di saat terakhirku

If

If you don't understand mental illness,
good.
Good for you
You shouldn't have to understand

If you don't understand why some people can't get out of bed in the morning,
good.
I hope you jump out of bed every single day;
ready to take the world by storm

If you don't understand how someone could drag a blade
across their skin,
good.
I hope you never that desperate to feel something

If you don't understand what would drive a girl to keep starving herself despite everything she's lost in the process,
good.
I hope you stay heavy for present and real

If you don't understand why he won't just go to church or rehab
Or someone who can help him,
good.
I hope you always have someone to turn

If you don't understand how someone can keep swallowing bottles of pills,
Lying knots in ropes,
Or standing at the steps of bridges,
good.
I hope you never that desperate to relief

If you don't understand,
good.
You're not supposed to

It's all fucking sick
Thanks for the ignorance,
It's healthy

Thank You So Much!

well, nothing's to share right now, and thanks to God for all these times. From the beginning that I started make this blog until my 50th post. *drumroll*

first of all, thanks to God who gave me so many ways to be my own savior, how keep smile in my hardest time, and how to keep wishing the best to someone that hurt you the most. And without God, I'm nothing.

there's a lot of thing that I want to tell you, this blog made by the pure-est heart, the heart that had been broken for couple times, someone who thought she had die because all the pain.

thank you for my teacher who asked me to make this blog, so I can share what I've been through and to support all of my friends out there.

then, thank you for my inspiration, my ex-boyfriend. Without him, without our sad broke up, this blog won't be something, won't be something that good for people. Without him, I would just forget the pain, the wounds, and how it feels to be on the down graders. How it feels when you don't know what will you do in your life, and how it feels if only to breathe you need so much strength.

to all my lovely visitors, without them, this blog is just an ordinary blog. Never be important, never could be a thing that people talk about, like "have you read that blog?" it means a lot to me.

and then, to my role-model, Demi Lovato. She's the best supporter I've ever got. Without her music, I'm no longer at this world. Without her, I don't know if I could heal again or not.

the last but not least, to my best friend who keep support me and show me the beautiful thing behind every storm, and they gave an inspiration to support all teenagers who suffered from mental disorder. Not only for girls, to all the boys out there. I know we don't know each others, but stay strong guys, let's suffer all things together.

Oh ya, forget to mention. To google, Wikipedia, billboard, iTunes, I said the deepest thank you.

Quotes About Pain

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”
― J.K. Rowling

“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”
― Lance Armstrong

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton

“Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain.”
― Bob Dylan

“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”
― José N. Harris

“The damage was permanent; there would always be scars. But even the angriest scars faded over time until it was difficult to see them written on the skin at all, and the only thing that remained was the memory of how painful it had been.”
― Jodi Picoult

“I always hated when my scars started to fade, because as long as I could still see them, I knew why I was hurting.”
― Jodi Picoult

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
― Erma Bombeck

“Why is there ever this perverse cruelty in humankind, that makes us hurt most those we love best?”
― Jacqueline Carey

“The unending paradox is that we do learn through pain.”
― Madeleine L'Engle

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”
― Ernest Hemingway

“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.”
― George R.R. Martin

“The worst wounds, the deadliest of them, aren't the ones people see on the outside. They're the ones that make us bleed internally.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon

“Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.”
― Richard Kadrey

“I wondered how long it could last. Maybe someday, years from now. If the pain would decrease to the point where I could bear it. I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life.”
― Stephenie Meyer

“Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental.”
― Ogden Nash

“My heart hurts that means I’m alive.”
― Kazuya Minekura

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”
― C.S. Lewis

“The cure for pain is in the pain.”
― Rumi

“Humor was a good way to hide the pain.”
― Rick Riordan

“Your heart literally hurts when it's breaking. You can feel it, every beat another ache, and nothing you can do will stop it, either from beating or breaking.”
― Alison McGhee

“There are some wounds that one can heal only by deepening them and making them worse.”
― Auguste de Villiers de l'Isle-Adam

“What the eyes don't see, the heart can't feel.”
― Dia Reeves

“Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.”
― Jim Butcher

 

Lirik Lagu Plumb-Cut

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile frame aged
With misery
And when our eyes meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when

I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden

If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when

I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when

I was cut 

Lirik Lagu Katy Perry-Unconditionally

Oh no, did I get too close?
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are unworthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through this storm I would
I'd do it all because I love you, I love you

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart, and just let it begin
Open up your heart, and just let it begin
Open up your heart
Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
And there is no fear now
Let go and just be free
'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)

I will love you
I will love you
I will love you unconditionally

Lirik Lagu Miley Cyrus-Adore You

Baby, baby are you listening?
Wondering where you've been all my life
I just started living
Oh, baby are you listening?

When you say you love me
No, I love you more
When you say you need me
No, I need you more
Boy I adore you, I adore you

Baby, can you hear me?
When I'm crying out for you
I'm scared oh, so scared
But when you're near me
I feel like I'm standing with an army
Of men armed with weapons, hey oh

When you say you love me
No, I love you more
When you say you need me
No, I need you more
Boy I adore you, I adore you

I love lying next to you
I could do this for eternity
You and me were meant to be
In Holy matrimony
God knew exactly what he was doing
When he lead me to you

When you say you love me
No, I love you more (love you more)
When you say you need me
No, I need you more
Boy I adore you, I adore you

When you say you love me
No, I love you more
When you say you need me
No, I need you more
Boy I adore you, I adore you

Lirik Lagu Radiohead-Creep

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

Oase

Semua orang memiliki masa kelam bukan? 

tetapi mereka selalu menemukan seseorang untuk berpulang

mereka selalu menemukan peri penolong

mendapatkan cinta yang menghapus duka

Lupakah engkau?

kamu oaseku

penyejuk dikegersangan gurun

penyelamatku

tapi kau pergi 

meninggalkan aku bersama bayanganmu

meninggalkan aku yang terus memeluk kepedihan

meninggalkan janji dan cinta kita

Apakah aku akan mati?

Ataukah justru bertahan?

jika diminta memilih, aku akan memilih pergi

Kenapa?

apa artinya hidup tanpa kebahagiaan?

apa artinya hidup jika oaseku telah mengering

bukankah aku tinggal menghitung jam dan mati?

Jerk

She's bleeding

But you'll never know it

She's frowning

But just walk away

Is it funny?

Did you think all things are easy for her?

You're such a chicken

Left her then making a joke on her

Now you could laugh

Said you don't care

Hurt her more everyday

And laugh after all

But, will you still laugh

When she's no longer on this world?

Will you still shout her she is such an idiot?

Tell me, who made her like that

Bodoh?

Mungkin kisah kita sudah berakhir
Apakah rasaku sudah berakhir juga?
Apakah rinduku sudah terselesaikan?
Ataukah rasa sakit ini sudah hilang?

Apa katamu?
Aku gadis yang bodoh?!
Sebut saja sesukamu
tapi aku harap kamu memikirkan ulang perkataanmu

Siapa yang bodoh, sayangku?
Aku atau dirimu?
Kamu yang meninggalkanku,
atau aku yang terus bertahan?

Aku rasa kita berdua sama-sama bodoh
kamu yang sudah mengetahui masa laluku,
berjanji untuk bersamaku,
tetapi janji itu teringkari

Aku juga bodoh,
aku harusnya menyadari, aku hanya pelarian!
oh, bukan. Aku hanyalah kelinci percobaan cintamu
tetapi masih terus bertahan di kisah cinta ini

Terlalu banyak yang ingin aku sampaikan,
seperti rasa benci, kehilangan, dan kemarahan ini
Akau benci aku yang cengeng
dan aku benci kamu yang pembohong!

Bodoh
ya, kita berdua memang bodoh
Ataukah cinta dan kehilangan membutakan kita?
Aku lelah berpura-pura baik

Kenapa kita harus berjanji jika untuk diingkari?
Mengapa kita harus mengenal jika hanya menyakiti?
Dan kenapa kita bersama tetapi saling membohongi?
Dasar bodoh

Sekarang aku tidak tahu harus berkata apa
perkataanmu menusukku
Kau bilang aku gadis yang bodoh atas tingkahku
Tapi kau tidak sadar siapa yang memulainya

Haruskah aku melupakanmu,
dan melepaskan kenangan kita?
Aku tidak akan sanggup, kasih
Aku hanya gadis bodohmu